Hello to all - I am very glad to have found this site!

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Hello to all -

I've been having a very difficult day dealing today...and just
(for the first time) thought to put "Trucker's women chat forums" in a search engine and viola - I found this site! I can't tell you how happy I am to have found it. I pray that it is still active.

I will go by 'shy' for now (if that's ok)....I am a long time girlfriend to a wonderful man. A couple of years into our relationship...he was looking for a new job (he's always striving to do better)...His father was a trucker and he had said in the past that it was something he's always wanted to do. (I was clueless as to what it would entail) So...
long story as short as I can make it (lol)...He went to train with and then work for an OTR company for a year...saying "once I get this experience - anybody will hire me locally!" So, that was our goal...he would do this for a year (the OC where he trained was out of state even) and then he would get a local job. Well.....a year passed about 4 months ago and he just took a job with an independent contractor (to make more money). And...in case you haven't guessed it...it is also OTR. I have been his biggest cheerleader for over a year now...I am very proud of him and all that he has accomplished...and tell him so often.
I've been out with him a few times and he drives that truck like he was born doing it. So I'm not worried about his safety.
(which is comforting)
But....I fear he's "got the bug". He does love it...and I do want him to be happy. We just went from a light at the end of the tunnel (him coming off the road to work locally)....to...
Him not being able to tell me *how* long he will be over the road. He tells me it's for us...for our future. He worries about our financial future (he's 31) and being able to create a very comfortable lifestyle for us and being able to retire one day and not have to worry. He is a very honorable man and wants to take very good care of me.

We are just at the beginning stage of this "whole new stage"...and where I know his intentions in the very beginning were honest - I can't help but feel a little duped. Ya know? Living alone (even though we live together) most of the time is just beyond difficult. I fell in love with him for his heart and his spirit...and fell in love with the dreams that we both wanted...
which were the same at the time. Now...I have to take care of the home by myself....and it's hard not to feel like he just stops in every few weeks to have fun (and I *want* us to have fun - and we do)...and then has to leave again....and there I am realizing once again that we didn't get anything regarding the house done >together< (bills, stuff that needed fixing, etc)...and I have to do it all by myself....again.

I'm sorry I've rambled. I just found this site and forum at a time when I needed to talk to somebody who >understands<.
My heart is hurting right now and I am scared. I guess I'm just scared of how long this is going to go on...because he can't give me a "time limit" on it.

I would appreciate any help and any advice anyone has to give.

sincerely (and thankful to have found such a site!),
shy

I am upset, I like what you said in your post. I am to a woman married to a truck driver.
I met him he was a truck driver and then he quit for me in Jan 2004 and then went back in march 2004 and then quit again and then went back in May 2004 and then quit and now is back trucking as of 10/2004.
I am just so nasty when he calls and I want him to come off the road more than anything, We have 2 babies and he is out there trucking. He calls every other day and I hate that. I feel like I am doing it all around here i am getting stressed. I love this man so much and I dont want my marriage to go down the drain, but I just cannot understand this lifestyle. Why would a man want to be away from his family for weeks?? I would go crazy!!
All I want is some feedback on how I can understand this lifestyle.
he always says I am going to find someone else and in reality I am not though. I hate it that he is gone all the time. I want My husband back home and not over the road.
Can anyone help me understand this?? Because when he calls I want my attitude to change toward him and I want he to uderstand that I am ok with this....
Thanks

Hi girls.

I to am married to a driver. He did long haul for a number of years, then switched over to regional driver. At first all we did was fight because I felt the same way you do. Then I had a long talk with my grandmother.
My grandfather was an O/O for 25 years. She managed to raise 8 children with a Friday night to Sunday morning husband. Any how, to my point.
1) She asked me is what he doing paying the bills, feeding the family, and keeping everyone warm at night? I had to say yes.
2) Is he happy doing his job? Yes.
3)Do you think he misses you and the kids when he is out on the road? Yes.
4) How would you feel if the last word you said to him was in anger and he had a terrible accident that night?

Just I thought from an old trucker wife to take to heart.
If he was home you would not go to bed angry with him, so why go to bed angry with each other over the phone.

There is a song by Lonestar called I am already there. Try to listen to it.

Talk to you later

Wow you made me think............ I am so glad you wrote me back, see we talked tonite and well our convo was great then we started talkin about how ur relationship is. he thinks I am going to give up and I dont want to give to this relationship.. But I do
so when he calls i am goin to try so hard to listen and not argue.
I want this marriage to work so bad.
So I am going to take ur advice and use it and yes that song by Lonestar is our song because it resembles so much!!!!!!
and when he calls I am going to smile and love to hear his voice
thanks

I understand exactly what you are saying about them only coming home every couple of weeks and having fun. I am always planning that when hubby gets home he is going to help me do some of the chores around here and then we go off and do "fun stuff" while he is home and after he leaves I am overwhelmed with the "non fun stuff" again. its my fault, I will encourage him to take me out somewhere because I miss going out with my husband, when we should be staying home to work on the house or whatever. It is alot of work to keep things going by yourself.
I don't bitch at him on the phone when he is on the road, I have a couple times and always regretted it. I know that he is lonely out there and he calls home to hear a friendly and loving voice, not to be yelled at for what he isn't home to do. He is trying to make a good life for us, but it is a shame that he has to miss so much of it to earn a living. We have a 3 month old son now and he is missing so much. I find it harder now to have him gone, because there is no one to share all the tiny things our son does that seem special only to his parents. I didn't mean to ramble on so much, but I do understand how you feel. Your not alone.

THANK YOU NIPAFUR FOR YOUR EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM. I FEEL LIKE I AM THE ONLY WOMAN ON EARTH THAT DOESNT CRY WHEN her man is gone. i think ezz is like me she enjoys the time with her kids and with a job and all you dont have time to be lonely. at least i dont any more. maybe these young ones need more to do at home and then they wont be so sad.
one other peice of advice dont get to expect to get to go out everytime he comes home it used to be frustrating for me but he eats out alllllll weeek or all month and then gets home he wants :

A HUG A HOME COOKED MEAL. HOT BATH/SHOWER
CLEAN SHEETS ON A BED THAT DOESNT HAVE WHEELS. CONTROL OF THE REMOTE FOR A DAY OR TWO NO PHONE CALLS HIS LAUNDRY DONE BEFOR HE LEAVES. AND NOT NESSISARILY IN THIS ORDER.
did i lleave any thing out?
cheer up girls and relish this life of having a man and your life tooo
annie

I agree Annie they need something to fill their time. I was a stay at home mom until recently (10yrs. at home) I had to find things to keep myself busy. Make friends whose husbands were in the same field. My friends from school just could not understand why I was not able to plan to do something with them ( with no kids) on the week end. They use to always ask was I not able to make up my own mind. ( Always saying I had to make sure hubby wasn't going to be in the neighbourhood.)
Having a spouse who is a driver is a completly different lifestyle than someone who works 9 to 5 and home every week end. But, you learn to adjust to that life. It becomes a norm after a while and you will not be able to imagine another lifestyle.

I found that my husband just wanted to spend a quite evening at home with the family, doing what we do when he is not home. He was willing to tuck the kids in, give thier bath and bed time stories, help with homework. He use to always say I want to FEEL LIKE A NORMAL DAD/HUSBAND for the week end

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think I am complaining about my husband being gone all the time because I am not. It doesn't bother me, once in awhile I will miss him more than usual and I will wish he had a 9-5 job but most of the time I love being married to a driver. We have a great marriage and part of that is probably due to the fact that we don't see each other as much as most couples, so we appreciate the time we have together.
Annie you are not the only woman not crying, I miss him but I don't sit around and dwell on it, I have enough to do looking after our son, I also have a full time job and am only off on maternity leave at the moment.
we go out alot when he is home, not all men are the same, mine didn't marry me thinking I was going to be serving homecooked meals everytime he came home, he loves going out as much as I do. He doesn't come home and expect me to be his maid.
All the girls who are having a hard time with it will adjust the same as we all did, they just need to give it some time.

alley you are right not all men are alike and you are fortunate that your hubby wants to do stuff when he gets home so is nip.
mine can be very lazy some times. he enjoys tv alot.
so how old is your baby now? and i see why you get lonely and sad pregnacy will do that to ya. i was that way some with my last child. but we had a boss that thought he should be home alot. course i think the boss worried more than the hubby. he was runnin california hauling produce. those were the good ole days big pay checks and a pretty regular schedule. he would leave sun come in on fri and usually make another round then be home for a week. you could really plan your life but you always had your kids. girlscouts is good for that cause you get to be with other grownups and your kids at the same time with out going tooo nuts.
well guess i better get busy i have been home sick for 3 days . and trying to get my house done at the same time. i have to go back to school tomarrow and we are having a few parties this weekend and i think my parents are going to be surprising us witha visit.
take care and ill be back soon

Hi shy

I am an OTR driver working to get out of the truck. I just re-registered here and will come back as time permits

I recently started a business that I am running out of my truck. My company doesn't know about it and I don't dare tell them them for fear that they might fire me. I want out of the truck, but not like that.

Anywho, the reason I am writing to you is that I would like give you an opportunity to check out this business. If you would like to get your partner off the road, this just might be the ticket. It is inexpensive to get started and it is good for you. Who knows, he just might like the idea too.

Since I am almost always on the road, my friend Darwin who introduced me to this business is helping me. He will answer any questions you may have about the business and products.

Here is his #, 1-888-888-8922. Ask for Darwin and tell him that Tom Flaherty sent you. But before you call him, please go to the web address in my sig and then call him. I also have an e-mail address there so you can e-mail me and ask questions if you want. I just don't get to my e-mail as often as I'd like.

Also, you'll need my ID# which is 560695102. You will need it if you join. My friend Darwin will help you with the sign-up process.

Well, I don't know if this helps you, but it would give you an opportunity to help your partner get out of the truck if he really wants to, and if you both work it he can get out quicker.

This is open to anybody looking for a way to earn extra money to pay bills or just have extra for all of the other things we have in our lives.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Xtruckerwannabe

Hey, Shy (lol that used to be my chat name...got tired of all the inuendo comments I got!)

I know what you are saying about feeling a bit duped. When my DH went into trucking (and he started a lot later in life! He was 51 when he STARTED driving!) I had no clue what to expect. He chose it for different reasons...but it was his choice nonetheless. I have found, however, that eventually you get used to things. At first, we did the whole 'fun time out' thing when he would get home....now I am lucky to pry him off the couch and away from the television...lol. I had to lay down one rule when he is home...not to deal with issues brought up because of the kids (I have teenagers...and believe me, we have PLENTY of issues! lol). Otherwise, it seems as if home time becomes battle time So those are shelved....I take whatever we can get as far as chores (which are not a lot, unfortunately....and this just after we bought a mega fixer upper while he had taken a hiatus from the road!) and try and make things as even keeled as possible. I will say one thing...most local driving jobs are crazy about wanting experience....you wouldn't think so, but you will find it is true. Most want at LEAST 3 yrs of experience and many want 5! I would urge him to try for a regional driving job...it will get him home a bit more often. That is what my hubby did, too. He drives SE regional (we live in southern GA) and this allows him to get home more....as well as swing in when he goes by on the interstate (or at least this is what I am hoping! He just went back on the road...lol. But we talked with another local driver on the same area for the same company and this is what we are hearing). You will find you are able to adjust....but our hubbies/boyfriends need to be happy with what they do, or everyone ends up miserable! Best of luck to you guys! PS Nippesfur....that is very wise advice your grandma gave you! And she really had it pegged! So many women have men who won't work...we are really blessed to have men who will, who appreciate their families etc...we just have to remember this and not agonize over the 'what if's' or the things we DON'T like!