Having Hard Time!!

[BeccaB]

My husband has now been on the road training for two weeks now. He was supposed to come home this weekend and go back out to finish his training for two more weeks but they decided not to let the trainees go home anymore during training. Now he'll be gone for two more weeks plus his 4 day orientation. The past two weeks were real hard for me but I just kept thinking about this weekend. And now that he isn't coming home I am having a real hard time dealing. I am new to this lifestyle. Before this my husband and I spent every possible second together. Now I am here alone with my two boys. My youngest is celebrating his first birthday today and his daddy is sitting in a terminal is Arkansas. I love him very much and am very proud of what he is doing but it is hard to do. So I thought I would find something like this to find other people in my situation that can really understand how it is. My family just does't get it! LOL!! Sometimes I think that maybe it's just me. That I am just being selfish or something. I dunno. Thanks for letting me complain. LOL!

I understand where you're comming from. My husband has been driving for about 4 years, and one thing you learn(not get used to), is the fact that they won't always be there when you need them. I used to get so mad at my husband, but i've realized that it's not all his fault. He's not out there to be away from you, or the kids. Of course he won't admit it because he's a guy, but he misses you just as much as you miss him. You'll notice that he will call you sometimes with nothing to say. He just wants to hear your voice. Sometime if you get a chance, get a sitter for the kids, and go with him. There is alot your husband has to put up with. If he gets to a stop and they won't unload him until the next day, that messes up everything else, and he might miss things. Just hang in there. Somedays it gets easier, but you never really get used to it. Just try to find something to keep yourself busy, and a tip from a truckers wife, don't fight with him before he leaves on a run. Maybe it's supersition, but you don't want the last thing you say to him to be in anger.

I sounded like you about two years ago. Actually, I still sound like you.

When I met my husband, he was in a wheel chair. I had a job as an Instructional Coordinator for a technical school making fairly good money. He was Mr. Mom, kids were happy, my two, his one became our three. Prior to his accident and myself, he used to be a driver.

That lasted for a few years. Over those years he made himself walk, talk about incredible. We married. I thought and was perfectly happy with the assumption I would be taking of him the rest of my life.

Walking led to boredom, which led to him finding local employment as a tow truck operator. Something bit him in the ass. Next thing I knew, I had to quit my job, and found myself dropping him at the Greyhound bus depot so he can head out to CA to collect his truck.

I typically see him on average about four days every month. To this day, I cry whenever he pulls out. A couple of times I've gone with him for about a week. Not too bad, but not for me.

It does get easier... or should I say, don't cry as long as I used to. Everyone is different. All I know is he loves it, has regained his confidence as the man of the house and when he comes home and "shuts down for the night" we've become a lot closer and have a lot more fun. We've now been together a total of what will be eight years in February.

You learn to live with it. I have my kids, a big bottle of Lithium...just kidding and our dreams for the future. Also, he calls twice a day, has a laptop with WiFi and the Qualcomm in the truck.

If you need someone to chat with, shoot me an email. I've been reverted to the neighborhood carpool mom. I'm here all the time. By the way, you're allowed to be selfish...he's 'your' husband.

This also applies to anyone else who just wants to talk.

Tess
idctd@cox.net

[BeccaB]

Thanks a lot for your responses. It's a great help to hear from people who really know and really understand!! My husband has already switched to a new company because the other was really messing around. He is done with training and now has his truck. With this new company he can still get the miles but be home more too! I can't say it's getting easier, but I am learning to deal with it better!! HAHA!! I am proud of him though!! I know it is tough for him. That's why I want to be as supportive as I can. I just curse him when his not here!! HAHA!! It's quite funny though when he gets home and the kids are running wild and he looks like how have you been doing this?! I know that he really needs this job. Not only finacially but like you were saying for his "ego". Being the man of the house. Being able to take care of the family. But it does get lonely sometimes. Hard to have good conversations with a 7 and 1 year old!! HAHA!! My poor husband! I talk his hear off whenever he calls or his at home!! I'm a stay at home mom!! So if anyone wants to chat please do!! Take care!! Again, thanks!!

Becca
pbnrb1@msn.com

My husband just started driving about a month ago. I usually cry every night and get so upset when I don't hear from him. I am a nursing student and on break for a month so I have no studying to occupy my time. How do you ever get used to this?

Everyone probably keeps telling you that it will get better and you get used to it, your probably sick of hearing that but it is true. I have been with my husband for 4 years and in the beginning I hated it, but I adjusted to it, sometimes I still do hate it but I get over it. This year is harder because we have a 4 month old son and doing everything myself, 24/7 is hard. I am taking a year off from work too so I am home alone with just the baby most of the time so when my husband comes home I follow him around the house talking to him, lol, he can't get away fom me. If anyone wants to chat you can pm me anytime.

Thanks so much for your reply. It will help to have other's who understand what it is like to vent too. Thanks for listening.

God Bless,
Faye

hi punkie and welcome i am the resident sarcasm spreader b****er downer and reality checker. i have been here the longest i guess when it was just a few drivers and me, the guys promised youall would comem and you have. wow.
you say you are going to nursing school. which field are you going in? maybe you could volunteer at a nearby hospital or childrens home. that will take some of your time and make you feeel worth while.
i went into semi retirement from driving only bout 6 months after starting. i got pregnant and we tried taking the baby but let me tell yall, it is more fun sitting and having conversations with a 1yr.old than trying to figure out how to quiet a baby at 2am in the middle of nowhere and your out of milk one of you needs to drive in a couple hrs. and then he gets up and upset.....
and the others are right if your co. allows riders then about once a year or so get granny to keeep the babies and go with him cause there is noooooooooooo bettter quality time with each other you cant get away from a fight especially a lonnnnng haul. where there is limited stopping time . dont forget the ice cream bucket with lid. why
so you will have some where to pee at 2am 20* in the snow in kansas.....
you will learn to appriciate him and he will you.
good luck and ill try to be around more.maybe ezz will to cause you wont find any one sweeter or more knowledgable than her. '
she has 5kids a trucker hubby a daddy who was a trucker., and she is a truck broker been at it allll her life. she knows. trust me
i used to call her and cry not so many years ago.
annie

Hi Becca,
I'm sorry things are starting our rough for you guys. I haven't been a truckers wife long for he started this while I was pregnant with our four month old. I can tell you that sometimes him being gone won't bother you as much as others. This industry is very unpredictable. Your not being selfish, trust me I've been accused of it many times. He's your husband and you want to be with him, theres nothing wrong with that. I've learned that this llifestyle is very addicting to the drivers. I don't understand it, but it's almost like a drug. I kid mine all the time that he needs a 12 step program for his addiction. The main thing that I've learned to do, when they tell you they will be home for the weekend dont' count on it.....because a lot of times things happen that keep them from making it there. If you don't count on them being home on certain days your not disappointed when they can't make it near as bad. Mine doesn't understand why I literally count down the days when I'll see him again....it's just something to look forward to...but it can also make it harder when those disappointments do happen. I'm one of the wives that doesn't like this lifestyle..., we were the same way about being inseperable. It's been a very hard transition to make. I will give one good piece of advice though, try everything you can to keep from fighting with them right before they leave. It makes the duration of their next trip terrible. And I promise you I'm speaking from experience on that one.

Guys!

TruckersNews, who is affiliated with this forum, did an article about just this very thing. A wonderful woman by the name of Kristin Walters wrote the article. She spoke to a number of "trucker widows" and just to get to the meat of how we wives deal with this from day to day.

There are some real creative viewpoints and a few suggestions to help all us make it until our men pull back in to home port.

Let me know what you guys think.

Take care guys and hang in there! It does get better with time...only if it is just a bit.

Tess Doege
idctd@cox.net

"Meega Na La Kweesta"


Here is the link.

http://www.etrucker.com/apps/news/article.asp?id=46172

My husband is looking to go into OTR trucking full-time. He has 2 full-time jobs now, 1 is as a driver for a small company and we hardly see him now so I guess I'll kinda be used to it when he does. We have 2 children, 8 & 5. I am wondering how this will effect them more than I'm worried about myself. I'm a stay at home mom and it doesn't bother me that we don't see each other that much. We're used to going 2-3 day's without a full conversation or seeing each other because of the situation. We use the phone and email alot though. We love each other very much and I know he'll be happier at this than the 2 jobs he works at now. We know he will be at home at least 2 day's every 14, or at least that's what they say. My question is how did your children handle it?? Anyone have any suggestions?? Thanks

Becca,
It is hard on my kids. They both ask for their Daddy daily,sometimes a couple times a day. You guys sound alot like we were. My DH worked one job, but he worked so much overtime, we only saw him in the evenings and on Sundays. And even when he was home, he was busy or in the bedroom watching TV. I honestly thought I'd be cool with this. Since we didnt spend much time togther anyways. But it is hard. I miss him so much!

some days I feel ok, other days I feel like crying all of the time. But then the past few days, I feel like a could cry at the drop of a hat! Im normally not like this!

in time, I'm sure it will get better for me and the kids

[BeccaB]

Well, it started out rough for us but things are much better. After a few companies later, my hubby has a dedicated run with JB Hunt now. I like him being home on the weekends. It still sucks that he has to go when the time comes but I deal with it much better. Especially now that my 17th month old is on the run! HAHA!! He keeps me real busy. And my 8 year old is a big help! The man of the house while the big man is gone! HAHA!! And my mom is going to watch the kids this summer so I can go out with him for a week or so! I am pretty excited about that!! Anytime anyone wants to chat feel free to email me@ luvmifrfghtr@aol.com. Take care ladies!! Prayers for your husbands' safety!!


Becca

girls girls kids are resilient. and they will adjust too well sometimes we went from him being gone all the time to now he is home every weekend or part of it just enough to screw up my 15yr.olds plans. my girls are alot like their dad lazy so i yell and scream for help. but dinners are by the seat of our pants. and we watch what we like not wrastling. yall spend too much time thinking and not enough doing. get a job that will physically wear you out and you wont miss your pillow at night. i work in a school cafeteria. we work hard and fast the pay sucks but no nightes weekends and i am with the kids. shoot volunteer i am sure any school day care or library would love for you to volunteer to help out when you need to.
take care and try to live alittle he'll be home in a few days hungry with a HUGE PILE OF LAUNDRY.
so rest go to wally world spend your last few$ on detergent and bleach and tea{dont forget the sugar.}
annie